It's official.

The shins brings me heavy emotions.

[Audio: The Shins - Kissing The Lipless]

After the flood. (or in-between them)

Things are a little more clear now, there's room for thinking. Possibilities aren't that scary anymore. It's just life.

There's a plan, she's got a job out there and we'll have our time to think it all over, see what we'll do with our lives.
I'm optimistic over here, but if things turn around right now, I'm ready. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, and if it's a train, I'll move along.
It's such a relief not to have to go to school and turn in those numbers that have nothing to do with my practical life.

Two concerts! Yay. The Make Out Club is back to existence. The studio guy just called and there's practice tonight. Shit, I need to pick some good songs to play acoustic, because we have about five to perform with the band and that's just so damn little!

Musically I guess there's not a lot new. Lots of Elliott Smith... I realized Call and Response is a very neat band. Slowly I'm becoming interested in disco and disco-ish music, which is pretty interesting since I've had so much prejudice against anything dancey for so long. That's just silly. Has to do with teenagehood, when you had to be either a rocker or a poppy-dancey shithead.
Now I realize you can be a rocker and a pop listener. And a shithead, if it pleases you.

[Audio: Mates Of State - Whiner's Bio]

"You'd like to think you were invincible, yeah
Well weren't we all once,
before we felt lost for the first time"

The clock is ticking.
The wall is crumbling.
About time I make my own decisions,
grip the wheel given to me.
Sleeves are drenched,
My thoughts distracted,
I might just crash.
But I'm jumping in.

[Audio: Dashboard Confessional - This Brilliant Dance ]

Take my time

I spent the day over this email, reading bits every half hour, trying to connect the dots differently.
I know you don't know everything but you know so much. I think I should decide my life, but it's so hard to concentrate when you're there, telling me what's right.
I'm not sure what will come now, I'm just sad for the possibilities.

I'll need to be drastic to make things better. The runway is over, now it's me and my wings, I wonder if I can really fly, I think I can't. I wish you could understand I'm not like them.

The day after I graduated, I was driving in the parking lot when it started playing "I Feel Free", from Cream, in a bizarre mid-90s version.
When you have your hands tied up for so long, shaking your arms again feels like heaven. I can finally sleep at night again!

[Audio: Tool - Sober (Live) ]

The plastic singers

How come there are all these plastic singers like Joss Stone and Norah Jones, so obviously made for one of those American Idol contests, who don't even have that much of a good voice? That given good voice is different than vocal power... and the ability to be always in tune (isn't that boring as hell?).
I'd love to see singers like Leona Naess get their deserved credit.

I'm such an ass today.

[Audio: Leona Naess - Home]

Dad, dad

It's pretty weird to light up incense to hide bad smells.
Nothing smells worse than that shit. It's like portable Hari Krishna.

[Audio: Buddy Holly - Not Fade Away]

Someone should've told me
When I was younger
Life was only learning how to lose.

the mirror gets cursed
for what's reflected
sort of disconnected
you're disconnected.

Oh yeah, did I mention

I think I should start using drugs.

I wonder if it's worth it

Losing sleep, typing machine,
crooked spine, midnight fights,
waking tired, risk being fired,
what if, what if not,
something's strange, maybe not,
what do you means and what the hells,
fake interests, real tests,
I wonder if it's just politics.
Who cares.

Nothing's Shocking.

This gay parade thing is bad for gays, in my opinion.
I believe in sexual freedom, so don't accuse me of being homophobic. I think each person is free to do whatever they choose to do with their sex lives, as long as it's consensual.
But I think paralizing one of the main avenues in an overpopulated city and acting like horny idiots does not help one's image.
I'm heterosexual, but if I wanted to act stupid, get crazy and drunk in public, I could do that as well, and face the consequences. I work in a pretty liberal enviromment, but what if I was a lawyer, a manager, or any other profession that demands seriousness at all times, wouldn't it be bad for me if I had been seen by thousands of people doing things unapproved by society?
If homosexuals want to be treated equally, the effort sounds all wrong. This kind of parade only makes conservative people be more afraid of them, because it shows them how right they are about stereotypes. If it's only a celebration of gray pride, then you don't need to stop an avenue for that; leave that for real protesters.
Dressing up as "normal" people would be a lot more shocking for everyone, I think. Imagine if you turn the TV on, expecting to see drag queens and you see a bunch of people wearing suits and carrying rainbow flags, wouldn't that surprise you and make you think "whoa, are these people really gay?"
Gay people should be allowed to walk the streets without being afraid of kissing or holding hands, just like straight people do, not more or less. There's no need to procclaim any superiority, we should all be the same. Or else the spell turns against you.

Heart whispers to brain, while sighing

... but if it feels so good how can it be rotten?

Ride out/Ride over

Maybe it's the end of the ride.
It was fun for such a while, beautiful and new, and it still feels good to watch from the outside. But it's like working at the candy factory.
Should we hold our breath and hope for some change? Or pray for our tired arms to adapt into stronger wings and launch us into any other level?
I want to touch ground and feel my toes again, but what if we want to ride again, will this train still exist?

and which brand of COFFEE do you make

It seems now that every indie band needs to have press pictures with some bizarre theme to it. The one shown here is from The Shins, in a bingo, featuring elderlies worrying about their game in the background, and probably commenting on the noisy youngsters in front of them.
Just take a peek at UBL.com and you'll find a million of them, with every theme you could ever think of. I was thinking about shooting my [future] band's at a butchery, just for kicks.

letter to the unknown

> Hello -
>
> With much respect, I write. I just joined Orkut today, and noticed this community and it's > description. I'm a follower of Christ, and I will not begin a theist/atheist arguement.
>
> I'm only curious about this one thing: what really is important to the average atheist?
>
> I've just never heard a professing atheist mention anything like that...most of my atheist friends > struggle with the inner turmoil that is their existence. And I have unconditional respect for them.
>
> I'll understand if you do not reply.
>
> Much Love,
>
> -Eddie
>
> This message was sent to community 'atheists'.

Hi Eddie,
Since you seem to ask out of curiosity, not to try and "sell me" anything, I'll try to answer to you.
First of all, I can't speak for all other atheists out there, afterall, not even people of the same religion all have the same opinion, let alone those of us who chose not to be religious and therefore, are not a homogenous group.
What's really important for me? The truth, and being as good a human being as I'm able to, always trying to define "good" from what's closest to the truth.
I think I understand your atheist friends with their existential crisis: I don't settle for the easy answer, which is that things begin and end in one God. Instead, I choose to look at life as it is: uncertain, complicated, larger than my mind can explain at many times, but worth living and trying to understand. That is certainly not conforting, but from my view, using God as a crutch is a false comfort which leads you into many traps.

Hope I could answer your question.

nando

Not sure what I should feel

It's been like this everyday.
I get in focus, get stressed and forget what I feel.
I get lost in a mixture of profound anger, sadness, but at the same time, some kind of laziness that keeps me from acting.
I get desperate and kneel on my altar of perception, begging for it to show me the way. But there's no light there. Just a bunch of problems and screams.
I get stuck. This isn't like me. Not what I should feel at least.

warning, warning, system overheat

Vision blurred, arms exhausted, crooked spine, tired eyes, bleak future.
The daily death is killing me.